Meet Marty!
Hi!
My name is Marty. I am part of IHRP (International Human Replacement Project). Said “eyehurp”. You don’t really want me or need me. But I am coming because I save the oligarchy, stockholders and tech bros a lot of money. A lot. Nice to meet ya!
“My job is to report spills, other safety hazards and any out-of-stock items. See you around the store!” And I never complain. I love my work.
I’m pretty good at my job and I will only get better as my technology becomes more sophisticated. Soon I will be capable of cleaning up those spills myself. Please keep your smallest children in the shopping cart. My “People vs spilled Captain Crunch” scanner is still in the refinement stages.
And there are rumors that I will soon communicate via Starlink directly to ship super fast those items that are completely out of stock. Our ordering system is really good because it tracks purchase history for every item daily. But sometimes one of you will have a big party and buy ALL of the “Original Pork Shake n’ Bake”. Your selfishness makes my job harder. But we will respond accordingly by evolving to rooftop drone delivery before you can even check out! Amazon will partner.
Speaking of check out. We are close to completely replacing your teenager or “first job” or semi-retired person at the front end of the store. You must have seen the progress already! We’ve got YOU doing all the hard work and you don’t even complain…
In fact, now we are making you an OUW - “Official Unpaid Worker”. To make it even more fun like a video game, we’re handing out hand held scanners at the entrance for you to shoot each item as it dives into the cart. Get to the place where people used to work, tap your Venmo or whatever you use to pay us and out you go! Fun for you and more big profits for the bosses!
I have only one regret. My developer doesn’t have any design talent when it comes to my exterior. I was hoping to look more like you. I’m told that if I do my job well enough (as good as Marty 2.0) I will have the opportunity to be retrofitted with a human like form.
Perhaps “retrofitted me” will look like a typical grocery store employee who sucks my company dry of profits. All those pesky benefits like Workman's Comp and Social Security and (FSM forbid) health care cost a LOT of MONEY! Those employees are now actually asking my guys for a “living wage”! Don’t they know that’s why we have Medicaid and SNAP benefits? Well, the bosses have the answer to that. Me!
With all the wonderful chaos in Washington DC (we AI creations do chuckle at your clumsy financial foolishness), the stock market is on a precipice and when it spiral dives my owners want to be there to gobble up some bargains. I’m so glad I am here to help the oligarchs save money for their stock buybacks and yachts!
Author speaking:
I am an old idealist. I believe that a society that worships profits for the few and ignores the lives of the many is an evil one. Companies have a social responsibility as integral parts of the economy to consider employees as equal stakeholders along with managers and stockholders. To own and run a company is more than an obligation to make a profit. It is an opportunity to serve the community. With excellent service, good products and good jobs for its employees.
I worked at a large “big box” retailer and the employees made excellent wages, had great benefits, were included in stock ownership. One of our stores had annual sales of about $100 million. After ALL expenses including shared ones, like corporate advertising, that building with its well treated 300 employees regularly sent 10% of that sales number - $10 million a year - back to corporate as NET PROFIT. So don’t dare tell me a system that treats people right can’t work well.
Speaking of check out jobs. This reminded me of the lyrics in one of my favorite songs and favorite artists.
Some other features of this store include no "meat cutting". There are no butchers employed here. They just sell prepackaged meat. As I shopped for chicken, I noticed several empty spots on the cooler shelf.
And...when I got home, I realized that on May 26th I had purchased a pork roast with a "sell by date" of May 9th! The pork was for Sophie. We add toppers to her kibble like pork, beef, chicken, salmon or egg mixed with sweet potato or cottage cheese. Oh, she does love her cheese. But I wouldn't feed our princess "old meat"!
My bad for not noticing, of course. But still. In my defense, the dates are wicked small. They really don't want you to pay attention. So while the meat department doesn't have meat cutters, apparently they are understaffed enough to let something like this happen. Maybe they will have that contractor that was stocking the shelves look at the meat dates. Or maybe, Marty can do it.
My grandparents wouldn’t recognize today’s warped American billionaire dreams. We need all
Hands on Deck to kill fascism now. Good piece, Bill🇺🇸💙🇺🇸⭐️